Losing Yourself VS. Laying Down Your Life
By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers.
1 John 3:16
There is no more visceral experience of laying down your life than that of motherhood. From the moment of conception, it is as if you lose control of the ability to dictate your days. Laying down your life seems thrust upon you as hormones now function for the good of your fetus, and your body naturally undergoes what, in any other scenario is completely unnatural; your organs are displaced, your skin stretches, your ligaments loosen and your joints re-orientate. Yet you often hear mothers describe the experience as 'losing themselves' and wanting their bodies back to themselves. The ongoing nature of parenting requires constant laying down of your life but it's not without a wrestle to lose all sense of self in the process. So how do you joyfully give yourself to someone else without it feeling like you no longer exist?
Perhaps you have never been pregnant but you have an aging parent that needs your care. As dementia strips them of all the things that you loved about them you find yourself needing to re-arrange your schedule, your budget and your emotional energy in order to give them the care they need. The love that drives you to lay down your life in this way is beautiful, and yet you may also be left wondering if you are allowed to exist in the world in a role outside of carer.
Maybe your scenario is different. You want to be the best example of Christ in your workplace but laying down your life for others can be interpreted as being a doormat and a soft target for hostile takeover, so you wrestle with when to expose the weaknesses of others and armour up, protecting yourself or stepping into the firing line by protecting others and possibly exposing your own weakness. Is there a way to be selfless at work while still being a person who can draw boundaries, own the space you are in and not just continually be pushed around in the name of laying down your life?
The answers to these questions are not as simple as one may think. The paradoxical nature of being a human created in the likeness of God is often complex and nuanced and it's easy to see why people get disoriented walking out the ways of the Kingdom of God.
When it comes to a rule of life or way to live, scripture gives us one lasting and governing principle: Choose the way of love.
1. The way of love is death
Death is a scary thing. Many of us fear it. The kingdom of this world seems to offer us everything we want; comfort, security, acceptance, happiness, self-actualisation and freedom. We are all tempted to dwell in the kingdom of this world to find the things it promises, however, anyone who has truly tried to pursue these things in the world eventually realises that the promises are weak and short-lived. The comfort you may have found in a selfish pursuit quickly dissipates, the security of a large bank account can evaporate with the stresses of life and acceptance is fickle and tied to ongoing performance. Do you know that feeling when you taste the outworking of sin and think “This is not me”? For the Christian, sin places an illegitimate claim on the self and proclaims that as your true identity.
In contrast, the Kingdom of God beckons us into a life full of freedom, joy and peace. Many theologians describe the Kingdom of God as upside down. But the Kingdom of God only seems upside down. In fact, it is the right way up. It is the way of God, the creator of the universe. It is this world that is in chaos. It is in the Kingdom of God that we truly find who we are and what we were made for. Created by God, Jesus breaks sin’s claim on us and pronouncement on who we are. However, the way we enter into this freedom and God-given identity is through 'death'. Death to sin and the claim that that is who you really are.
Luke 17:32-33 calls us to remember Lot's wife and then says "Whoever seeks to preserve his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life will keep it." Lot's wife wanted to stay in the Kingdom of the world and she turned into a pillar of salt (Gen 19:26). True life and flourishing exist in the Kingdom of God but to enter in, we lay down our worldly desires to serve a greater desire to know God. We lay down an earthly identity as citizens of this world and pick up our true identity as children of God and citizens of heaven (Philippians 3:20-21).
2. The way of love produces life
John 12:24 says "Truly, truly, I say to you, unless a grain of wheat falls into the earth and dies, it remains alone; but if it dies, it bears much fruit."
The desire to grow and live a fruitful life is innately human. We are hardwired to want to progress. Sadly, sin is deceptive and blinds us to the path of true progress. But the Good News of the Gospel is proclaimed into this blind and deaf world so that we may hear and see, through faith in Jesus. A love for God and for others is a sign that we have entered into the Kingdom of God. As we hear of God's steadfast love toward us in Christ and His work on the cross we respond in faith by turning to Him in love. This love flows out to those around us, so we begin to bear fruit.
Consider the young mother who fears she will come out the other side of motherhood a shell of herself. Fear keeps her anxious, insecure and worried about her life and the life of her child.
The voice of this world tells her she doesn't measure up, isn't worth anything and that she is in this alone, so she needs to control the world around her as no one is going to look after her interests except her.
The Gospel speaks a better word to her - instead of condemnation and fear the Gospel tells her that she is loved, her worth is not found in her performance and that God himself came from heaven to earth to intervene in the situation so she can be sure she isn't in it alone now. His care for her extends much further than she could even imagine - all the way into the grave.
Following Jesus in the way of love bears fruit by quelling her fears and enabling her not only to love her child properly but enjoy the process as it's not tied to needing to prove something. She is empowered to live in her God-given identity and images Christ as she lays down her life daily for the sake of her child. She and her child flourish as she walks in step with who God truly made her to be.
Consider the office worker who wrestles with doing the right thing at the risk of becoming a target themselves. The world tells them they need to watch their back but the Gospel tell them that God has their back and that while the world tempts them to believe they need recognition and success to make it in life, Christ says the greatest recognition they will ever need he will give before His Father in heaven.
Which voice do you want to listen to? Which one speaks to who you really are? Therefore, trust in Him and love your neighbour as yourself. The fruit of a life of love in the workplace will always bring life.
3. The way of love is secured by Christ
This side of eternity we only have glimpses of the Kingdom of God and so it can be difficult to live in that Kingdom while still surrounded by the sin and brokenness of this world. Scripture describes us as pilgrims and sojourners and so we know this is not our home. But let’s be honest, if a mark of entering the Kingdom of God is our love for God and love for others then I can be left to worry if heaven really is my home given my flaky track record of a life of love. Too often my days are characterised by selfish pursuits, irritated glances at my neighbours and a lukewarm affection toward God. I desire to draw near to know and love God but my unfaithfulness to my love is unsettling. I desire to love others but often feel so needy myself that I have little to give. Even the apostle Paul can resonate with this wrestle (Romans 7) but he also points us to a deeper truer identity amidst the reality of living in a broken world.
As long as I think I have to muster up the ability to be faithful in my own strength I miss the fantastic news of Jesus - He did what I could not.
His love and faithfulness always precede my own and to the measure that I receive that love and grace is the measure to which it can pour forth from me. His love and faithfulness secure my acceptance, my forgiveness and my adoption as a citizen of heaven. I am his beloved and so are you.
How do we know?
1 John 3:16, "By this we know love, that he laid down his life for us, and we ought to lay down our lives for the brothers."
So, live out of this love as the foundation of your life and you never need to fear losing yourself.
Come to him needy and allow his love and grace to purify, strengthen and empower you for a life of love till His Kingdom comes on earth as it is in heaven.
Amen.
