Getting my tuesday back - The heart idol of comfort

It’s a Wednesday morning in Delhi. Ranjit and I are trying to calmly patch up an argument. Halfway through the argument, I break down sobbing, “I just wanted my Tuesday back!” Here’s the back story leading up to that cry.

Tuesday was going as per schedule. My quiet time and workout were done. Two kids were sent to school. Home school syllabus for the day completed with my second born. Picked up my youngest from school. Up until this point in the afternoon, everything was going according to schedule - my schedule. I do have a schedule, for every day, for every month and for the year. And I hold on to my schedules very tight. When everything is going according to plan, I feel very comfortable and in charge. My mind is at ease when I’m on track with my schedule. In fact, I flourish when everything is in order. 

Now Ranjit (my husband), is a curveball in my routine - he has a very flexible schedule. I can’t control his schedule like I control the kids’ schedule or my own. It irks me a little bit but thankfully doesn’t throw me into the deep end. Or so I thought. That particular tuesday he said he had a meeting that would be a little long. Trainers, coaches and church planters from a few cities in India were meeting at our church. Ranjit was hosting and since he had been in meetings like this before, he knew it would be a long meeting. But I didn’t. I assumed that he would be home at a certain time that night. 

He left for the meeting that afternoon and I headed out with my youngest to drop my other son off for cricket coaching. While on the way, my youngest promptly asked me if I had left the key for his sister so she could let herself in when she returns from school. I checked her live location and saw that she was at least an hour away. I realized I didn’t leave the key for her but was confident that I’d be back in time. This is where my Tuesday started going out of control. The cricket coaching centre is just seven minutes away from my place. So I had calculated that even if I drove slowly I would still be back in time to receive my daughter. But on my way back I got stuck in a one-hour traffic jam because a tree had fallen on the main road. The whole time I was panicking as my daughter was standing out alone.

By the time I reached home, I was tired, exhausted, irritated, sad, and feeling bad that my daughter had to wait on the stairs. Anyway, I thought, this is just an anomaly - not every tuesday is like this. I made it in time to pick up my son after his coaching and took another route home so I wouldn’t get stuck in traffic and I was very happy that my tuesday was back under my control. I had an online bible study at 7:30 and I was moving toward that. Kids had had dinner and showered and were getting ready for bed. I made it to the study but the study didn’t go as planned. Halfway through the study, I started having internet trouble, which doesn’t always happen. But it made me feel a little agitated cause I was trying to fix my internet and still keep a discussion going. Somehow I managed and finished that too. 

 By this time I just wanted to wind down, shower, watch a little bit of Netflix and chat with Ranjit for some time about the long meeting. And I desperately wanted to sleep. But when I stepped out of my room my daughter was breaking her head over a math problem. Math is not her favourite subject and definitely not my area of expertise. So I asked her if she had already texted dad with her questions. She said yes but he’s not responding. Since I wanted my tuesday to at least end a certain way, and that meant I should be heading to bed soon; I called Ranjit so he could just help clarify her doubts. But we couldn’t get a hold of Ranjit and by this time I was really angry. My tuesday night didn’t have high school math on the schedule, which annoyed me. In my irritation and anger, I badgered Ranjit with angry texts. I wanted him to fix the problem and I wanted him to fix it right away so I could be back on schedule. But when that didn’t happen, I was frustrated. By the time she finished her Math and Chemistry homework, it was close to midnight. And I was still angrily waiting for my husband to show up after his meeting. It wasn’t a pleasant night.

So the next day when we reconciled, Ranjit gently helped me understand that maybe there was a heart idol that had been shaken the previous day and that’s why I was reacting in anger. When he pointed it out I was even angrier. I wanted to defend myself. I wanted to defend that heart idol and put it back on a pedestal. So I cried, “but I just wanted my Tuesday back.” Meaning I wanted my day to go a certain way. I wanted to be comfortable and in control.

 My conversation with Ranjit helped me take a good look at my heart. Yes, schedules are good, plans are good, the order is good, and being comfortable is good; but when my comfort becomes the ultimate thing and not Jesus, then there’s a problem. My comfort becomes an idol in my heart and I start operating out of that mindset. Then my ultimate goal is to glorify my idol, not Jesus. And the idol has a way of crushing you when you fail and makes you lash out at those you love.

 Exodus 20 V3 says - “You shall have no other gods before me.” When all I want to do is please my idol of comfort and make sure that my idol has first place in my life, I am breaking this first commandment. When I sacrifice other people’s feelings at the altar of my idol, then I’m breaking this first commandment. So when I realised this, I was filled with shame and guilt over all those angry texts I had sent my husband. The depth of my sin led me to look to the cross. The good news of the gospel is that Jesus loves me no matter how badly I’ve messed up and he forgives my sin. His love covers my shame and heals my guilty heart. Also when I look to the cross I’m reminded that Jesus would have had ultimate comfort in heaven, but he stepped down into humanity to love, rescue and redeem me. He gave up every known comfort to become a servant. In Philippians 2 V6-8 we see that even though Jesus was in very nature God, he humbled himself even to die on a cross.

When I read this passage I’m moved to worship God. A God who was willing to sacrifice His very life, so that I could have ultimate comfort for eternity, with Him. 

Maybe, like me, you are someone who enjoys structure and order. Or you enjoy a certain level of comfort when everything is going according to plan. May I invite you to examine your heart and your responses especially when things are not going according to plan or when you are forced out of your comfort zone? At those times, do you bow before the loving God of all comfort or are you bowing before the idol of comfort that crushes you? Are you responding out of an overflow of Christ’s love in your heart or are you reacting in annoyance because of an idol that is threatened? Remember, the gospel of Jesus Christ is good news for us today and for all eternity.